To: Leah McLaren, columnist on all things 20-something, Globe and Mail:

Dearest Leah:

Let me begin by telling you the obvious: I, like most everyone, do not enjoy being slapped in the face. And it was your hand, no doubt commandeered by the Globe's new corporate overlord Bell Canada Enterprises (BCE), that pained my supple cheek.

Just when did you violate me? It was when I read your column furnished on page B3 of the August 25, 2001 edition of the Globe and Mail. In it, you profiled Lisa Laflamme, formerly of CTV NewsNet, who was about to assume new duties with Canada AM.

That was all fine. But then, it happened: I came to the point in the article whereupon you compared this rather nondescript, monotone, talking head to Jennifer Lopez.

"As the Jennifer Lopez of Canadian news anchors, is LaFlamme too hard-nosed and sexy for a morning show?" you asked. Now, really, how can you compare these two figures? One a globally renowned diva starlet; the other known in the same vein only by those so devoted as to watch CTV's all news network's continuous 15 minute loop all hours of the day. Perhaps only after suffering this barrage of psychological trauma could one actually think Lisa Laflamme is similar in any way to J-Lo. By this point, that same viewer might also have mental capacities so diminished as to think Stockwell Day comparable to Pierre Trudeau.

But let's get to the meat of the matter. Why did you make this comparison? I, myself, have an idea.

As you of course know, BCE owns both the Globe and CTV. It would then make sense for the big corporation to hype its TV personalities in its print medium.

Leah, my darling, your column was more BCE communications and marketing than journalism.

By means of the Lisa-La, J-Lo comparison, you were attempting to create a buzz and get more viewers to watch Canada AM to, in turn, fatten BCE's already obese bottom line.

Thus, the slap in the face noted earlier refers to the insult to mine and many's intelligence.

* * * * *

It's funny, but on this day the Globe also ran an obituary of Conrad Black's days as Canada's premier media baron.

As I read, I thought the unthinkable: In a short time, many journalists may one day speak of the 'good old days' when he ran the show. Yes, Black violently branded his neo-conservatism throughout Southam's editorial stance. He also forced his papers to run full page editorials espousing his views on Quebec's place in Canada. Sure, he violated many ethical lines; but he stayed away from that one which CTV and CanWest have so brutally and often crossed: media cross-ownership.

Some of my friends working in Southam (owned now by CanWest) bureaus have confessed to doing TV spots for Global (also owned by CanWest). And then, of course there's the Globe which is increasingly becoming Canada's CTV Guide.

And Leah, your slap in the face is not the first. For instance, in the Globe's sports a few months back, columnist William Houston wrote about Leaf pugilist Tie Domi doing an interview with TSN (also owned by BCE) in which he promised revenge upon the New Jersey Devils for beating his team in the playoffs.

Therein, Houston hyped it up as if it were an upcoming wrestling match. Conveniently, he concluded by informing readers of when, and on what channel the chat would air.

Getting back momentarily to an earlier note, the Day-Trudeau comparison has indeed been made. No, not by the Globe, but by the Ottawa Citizen on its front page after the former won the Alliance leadership last summer. Political correspondent Jane Taber noted something along the lines of 'Day's oratory and stage presence have motivated some to deem him the closest thing Canada has had to Pierre Trudeau since the man himself.'

Clearly, Ms. Taber, who in this instance editorialized in a news story, was contributing to a buzz for Day. This one was motivated by editorial pressures. That's not good. You Leah, however, were making a buzz motivated by corporate interests of the parent company. That's worse.

In both cases, like flies swatted in mid-air, the buzzes fell flat. But nonetheless, your reference is a troubling sign. It shows that our new media barons, with their hands in both print and broadcast, will brazenly and shamelessly utilize their media wholly for private interests. At least Conrad Black was either subtle or brutally honest. CanWest and BCE are, I suppose, brutally subtle.

Either way, these new developments make publications like Forget Magazine — which, in case BCE asks, is not for sale (at least as far as I know) — increasingly important. If you should ever think of jumping ship from the HMS BCE you should consider joining us at Forget, rumour has it the Sunday spot may be open soon.