New Ottawa Team Named, Laughed At
by Matthew Dorrell

Ottawa's recently re-approved CFL franchise, formerly the Rough Riders, will be named the Renegades.

The Renegades logo is an ugly Rorschach test meant to resemble a cowboy, wearing a bandana, holding a football. The colours are black, red, gray, white, and pewter.

Brad Watters, Renegades' owner, was quoted in the Ottawa Sun saying this about the cowboy on the logo:

"He's a dark, lurking, aggressive presence … He's in a fullback pose, taking the ball through the line. Renegades is young, hip and on the edge … The Renegade guy is an aggressive football type, and with the beaver, it's like we're saying 'let's have some fun.' "

Right. Mustn't forget the beaver, Ottawa's second logo/mascot. The beaver mascot, wisely discarded years ago, will be resurrected. In addition to being ignored by the cute cheerleaders and having small children vomit cola and hotdogs on his outfit, the beaver will be featured on t-shirts, along with the slogan "Beaver Fever," and is expected to be popular among children, adolescent males and adult males from Ontario.

The lingering question: why, with original team names like Rough/Riders, Rough_Riders, Rough-Riders, Rough*Riders or XRough RidersX, a name so god-awfully generic as Renegades was chosen.

Matthew Dorrell is almost sober enough for the Grey Cup. Almost.